Well hello there

I've just returned from my monthly check-in with my psychiatrist. We talked a lot about my weight. About how I need to lose 15kgs to be back in a land where I feel good about myself, look good and am far healthier than I am now.

This year has been all about the weight loss so naturally I have put on about 4 kilos.

I'm now the heaviest I've been since 2007, post Grover pregnancy.

My fat girl clothes are not fitting.

I am panicked, PANICKED, about my weight.

Which of course is the worst thing to be because you look on yourself with loathing and the future with fear.  Fear of losing the weight but then finding you are not losing the weight. And then your mind becomes a mine field of what ifs. What if this is how I will look for the rest of my life? What if I never lose all this belly fat? What if I develop diabetes? What if  What if What if.

It's so freakin' unhealthy.

So my shrink, M, gave me a new strategy today. For the first time in my weight loss obsessive life I am not focusing on the end point. I am not focusing on the weight. Instead, I'm going to focus on two things:
1. Activity
2. Portion

1. Activity
I have to schedule physical activity. Diarise it. If I miss the 'appointment' I have to put a big red cross through it. If I make the 'appointment' then I put a big green tick through it.
It does not have to be every day.
But I have to schedule it and keep the times firm in my diary.

2. Portion
A return to eating sensible sized portions of whatever I'm eating.
Again, it doesn't have to be every day - we're aiming for 5/6 days out of 7.

I am not to set foot near scales for at least six weeks. If and only IF I start to notice some clothes fitting better I can weigh myself.

I am making this sound very didactic which he didn't at all. If he had that would have been a 'sub-optimal' delivery of a message - as M would say. Isn't that awesome. I'm so going to use that with the boys - 'Grover, screaming at me because you're tired but don't want to go to bed is a sub-optimal way of winning favour with me'.

So - off we go again.  

Duyvken checks in

Slow progress here chez Duyvken has me feeling a little low about this weight loss caper. I know it's the things I do every day that make the difference but I still find myself indulging in Tour de France junk food more than I should. I'm not even staying up to watch the Tour but Mr Duyvken and his cycling pals are often here into the wee hours of the morning and they've been enjoying home-made pizzas, pikelets with caramel sauce and ice-cream, deep fried chicken and plenty of chips, tim tams and OJ. It's the leftover tim tams and chocolates that are bringing me down!
I'm still losing weight but nowhere near as quickly as I would have liked. Of course, the irritating thing about this is that I know it is entirely within my control. I just need to do more sustained exercise - longer walks, cycling, running, etc but it is too easy to take the slacker option.
I don't want to be a slacker so I'd better start making some better decisions and I'd better do it quickly!
I hope all my fellow boombalardians are well and heading in the right direction,
Duyvken.

Current weight: 57.5

Steady as she goes

There's a reason for this continued success. I'll blog about it when I can find a moment from screaming battling children to tell you.

Back on it again

Wanting to lose weight for Greece and for me.

Fat fat the water rat.

x

So I'm just quietly going about trying to deal with the rolls

it seems to be working.

That said, my shrink said to me this week that if you imagine a drug that causes weight gain then increase that one hundredfold and you have the impact of the drug I'm on. Great.

Day 10 Fitstorm - Shredding for success

So I'm up to Day 10. For those of you good at maths you'll realise it has taken more than 10 days to get me to Day 10 - yeah. Sorry about that.

My initial plan was to do it five days a week for six weeks. Then last week happened and I had things on, people to see, places to go, a head cold and allergies that have left me with a burst capillary in my left eye. Noice.

So I'm up to Day 10. I've done six days of Level 1 and three days of Level 2. Some clothes are definitely feeling better - well, the skirt I live in which was getting tighter and tighter is not so tight. Still tight, but not to the point I have to undo it at the end of the day or after a meal.

So here's the drill.

I'm still not 100 per cent committed.
Doesn't that sound ridiculous.
But I'm not.
And you know why?
Because I'm scared of failing. I'm scared that if I lose this weight I'll put it all back on.
Like I have every other time I've lose a significant amount of weight.

And yes, I know how stupid, defeatist and ridiculous that is.

So - AGAIN - I'm sucking it up and keeping on going.

I'm up to Day 10 of Jillian Michael's 30 day shred.
I can now do proper push ups and touch the floor without bending my knees.

I am not weighing myself.

I'm going to take my measurements at the end of the week and see how different they are from ones I took last year.

And I'm working out a meal plan so we don't end up eating pasta five nights a week.

I find if I'm organised in terms of what I'm going to have for breakfast/lunch/dinner I stay on track much better than if I don't.

I'm also going to try and adhere to some of Jillian's advice:
Don’t eat anything that doesn’t come out of the ground or have a mother

I'm still going.

Day 6 Fitstorm

So granted, I am a day behind (I'm doing this five days a week for six weeks ... to get to the 30 days) but today I started on Level 2 (out of three) with JIIIIIlian.

Holy crap people.
The sweat, the intensity, the complicated moves requiring coordination I simply don't have.
Seriously, a lot of it seemed to require me to be ready to do a push up, but instead I'm pulling my legs up together, separately, bending one leg and swinging it through to the other side, crunching with my legs in the air. It was like a game of solo Twister.

I've given the scales away for the moment, they don't do anything for my mental state in trying to lose weight. Instead, I'm using the 'holy hell don't waste all that effort with JIIIIIlian' approach.

I'll weigh myself in a couple of weeks.

Day 4 of Fitstorm

So I've done the shred every day this week - on Tuesday I thought something was going to snap, yesterday I sweated like a hog and today, well today I did push-ups on my toes rather than on my knees. I'm building up to shifting to level two next Monday.

I think I might throw the scales away, they mess with my head. Because I was feeling 'tighter' I weighed myself this morning and it said I was 89. FUCK OFF SCALES.

Naturally I ate too much today instead. IDIOT.

Fitstorm

So today I started Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred.

Because I have some sort of muscle death wish.

Actually, I did level 1 and it was fine. I managed the whole thing except for one point when I thought my hamstring may indeed snap.

I didn't even have to battle for space on the floor because I attempted to clean up yesterday.

My plan is to do Level 1 for a week, Level 2 for 2 and Level 3 the remainder of the 30 days.

I like that it's only 20 minutes, that it's intense and that she breaks it down into short intense bursts. I bore easily.

Then I finished it, thinking, that was OK. And then I wanted to hurl. For about three hours. It is a serious workout which took me by surprise. Let's see what the month brings.

OH, and I weighed myself this morning. 88.3kg.

So I've lost 1.5kgs in six weeks. I'm pretty pissed off at that effort, considering the fact that I'm not eating any crap and exercising my arse off. I know I know, the slower the better, I'm doing it the right way, but I would have liked to have been closer to 80 than 90kgs.

Oh, and watching The Biggest Loser doesn't help - some of those boombalardies are now in the 80s and the fact they're going to pass me is really giving me the shits.

Vices

...and I have not had a turkish delight all week.
I miss my sweet little foil wrapped friend.

Update

I hate my double stroller. It's got tiny hard rubber wheels that refuse to all go in the same direction at once, the frame is getting rickety and I need to give it a good shove every time I want to start moving.
We got it 2nd hand from friends when C was born in exchange for Mr Duyvken fixing their riddling rack. The price was right so we took it and although it's been great for getting around the shops it is hopeless on footpaths, nature strips, etc. It stops every time it encounters a small bump in it's path and I end up nearly breaking my neck when I try to jog. I even tipped it forward one day trying to get across the street. C and JW were well strapped in and were fine, thank goodness but it cemented my dislike for the 12 wheeled beast.
Despite keeping an eye on sales, ebay, the trading post, etc I haven't been able to find a double stroller with pneumatic tyres at a price that meets my budget, As C gets older I get closer to only needing the single stroller again so spending money on a decent double wouldn't be sensible and I am trying to be patient with it.
I took it for a walk again this morning, fighting with it up all the hills, battling with it around corners and trying hard not to let it run away from me when descending all the while being breezed past by women pushing jogger strollers who seemed immune to the evil lasers I was shooting at their fast retreating backs. I am hoping that all the wrestling the stroller requires means I am getting a reasonable upper body workout and I will soon have the biceps to roll one of those mums for their stroller. They'd never catch up with me once I took off on those inflated tyres!

This week -
Monday - swim, crunches
Tuesday - 5km walk
Wedsnesay - crunches
Thursday - 8km walk with stroller wrestling, crunches

Yoga

I did half an hour of a yoga DVD this morning.

I sweated as much as I do walking the boys to school and back.

I still feel nauseous.

Exercise Continuers

J had a swimming lesson this morning and my mum kindly looked after the younger two so I was able to swim some laps while J was having his lesson instead of standing by the pool watching him and entertaining C and JW. The lesson goes for half an hour so I only swam for 20 mins but it was great. It's such a lovely way to exercise. I am particularly pleased to have done it because the forecast is for rain all week which means I probably won't be able to do the long walks I started last week. At least, not with the double stroller. It looks like I'll be going out for a run when Mr Duyvken gets home from work or waking early and exercising before he needs to leave in the mornings. I hate getting up early but I'll set the alarm anyway, apparently I am an optimist!
Mr Duyvken also taught me a way to do crunches that I am finding much easier and much more effective than the other ways I've been doing them. I'll share that with you next time, OK?

Adventure Racing and Long Walks

The walk that I've been doing is 8km long and hilly. I did it 3 times this week (the 3 days my 4yo is at pre-school) and that is what I am going to do each week between now and the adventure race I mentioned yesterday.
We're doing one of the sprint races in the Kathmandu Adventure series. You don't know exactly what you'll be doing until you get there and get your course map for the day. The teams who really know what they're doing then spend some time plotting the fastest course, Mr Duyvken and I look at the topography lines and hope for the best. It's a combination of trail running, mountain biking and kayaking, the running and kayaking should be fine but I really need to spend more time biking than I did in 2007. I really wasn't confident on the bike and it cost us a lot of time. I blogged about it (albeitly briefly) here. That was way back in 2007. We were the 3rd or 4th last team to finish so it shouldn't be too difficult to improve on that!
I haven't been doing the crunches, why do I hate them so much?

The Fast Track

Enough messing around.

I want my clothes to fit.

Not a snug fit either, I want them to be comfortable.

And I want to enjoy running again.

I would like that to happen soon.

So, in the spirit of making some of this stuff happen quickly, and being very impressed by all the walking Kim has been doing, I went on a long walk today and yesterday pushing the youngest two in the double stroller. I'll figure out distance, etc tomorrow, but it takes just under 2hrs and is hilly. (Why don't I live somewhere flat?)

And Mr Duyvken and I have signed for an adventure race.

We did it 2 years ago when C was a baby and I adored it.

It was wet, it was freezing, it was hard but it was amazing and I am excited about doing it again. I really need to kick my fitness up a few notches to be able to do it though so that means no more whining and complaining, it is time for action! Who's with me?

Now, if they would just stop making Fry's turkish delight bars this would be a whole lot easier.

Do not Google Fry's turkish delight because you will find the chocablog website.
You have been warned.

Still grumpy

Still grumpy
Cranky even
Still fat
Still wanting to eat myself into a pit

I think my period is due this week...

As you were.

Boombafug

What can I tell you, I'm feeling mighty fugly this week.
I didn't get up yesterday or today for a walk but I did the school walk yesterday arvo and this morning (Monday mornings are speech morning for Oscar so I was car-bound)
I ate about 3 kilos of potato salad at my BIL's 40th on Saturday. I was so full I had to undo my skirt. Which was tight already. Which I had bought when I lost the 10kgs last year before going back to work.
I feel like just sitting down with a ginormous bag of chips and wallowing.
But then I tell myself, this was never going to be a quick fix.
This was about feeling good about myself and sitting down with those chips will not result in me being wrapped in a glorious swathe of self love.
This is about being fit and healthy for my kids ... and me.
This is about me feeling sexy and a woman.

So the mind, it does dangerous things doesn't it.

I want to pack it all in today and just forget about it.
But then I will still be lugging around 18 kilos too many.
I will still be out of breathe at the smallest incline.
I will still avoid physical activity at the merest whiff of it.

And that is not who I want to be.

I am reminding myself about my goal - to be looking fabulous in a new frock at the wedding of some very chic friends next February.

Which is funny because the bad brain is saying to me, why bother, you're never going to get there by then.

But you know, even if I'm 10 kgs lighter by then I know I'll look a hell of a lot better and feel good about myself while also having a lot more options when it comes to finding an outfit.

See. This is what goes on in my brain every single day.

No wonder I'm a nutbag.


*UPDATE AT 2PM*
So, I've managed to get to 2pm w/out eating chocolate, chips or some other crapola. Am proud of myself in that gritted teeth resignation to the pain kind of way.

Still going

So this is week 4 of term 1 and for two of those (the first one was MasterChef week and another one was a wash-out) we have been walking to and from school.

I seriously don't think I have been this chronically sweaty ever. EVER!

I drop boys off in a ball of sweat, I get home dripping, I pick them up with sweat running down my arse-crack and get home with chaffing.

I've gotten up early twice in the last 5 days and gone for a 5km walk.

Here are things I've noticed - even though the exercise thing is exhausting it is good exhausting. Sure, I could (and do) have little nana naps but it makes me keep doing more - so yesterday I went for a walk early, mowed the lawns, cleaned out the drain in our back yard, walked down to pick the boys up while also doing a few loads of washing and preparing dinner.

Also - if I've exercised I eat better.
I sleep better.
I have less anxiety about eating in general.

I have to keep this up.

I jumped on the scales this morning - I've lost another half a kilo.

88.8kg

Guess what

I just got back from a walk.

OH YES I DID.

You know, after reading Duyvken's posts yesterday I gave myself a bit of a kick up the arse.
With a sizeable serving of apple and blueberry crumble with ice cream. Low fat ice cream.

I thought, you know, bugger this. I've been sitting here for most of 08 and now into 09 bemoaning my bulging belly and wishing I was thin, healthy and happy. Because we all know that being thin and healthy = happiness don't we.

And then, this morning, Grover woke just before 5 wet and hungry. After dealing with him I thought, do it. Do it. Do it.
So I did.

Clothes on, sneakers found, out the door.

Fifty minutes later I was home marvelling at just how unfit I have become. The walk that took me 50 minutes? I used to do in about 35-40. And am I a ball of sweat? Oh yes I am.

Number of other lardy arses I saw: 2. They were jogging. That was unnecessary.
Number of buff fellas: 2
Number of really loud farts I did: 2. They were rippers.
Wildlife: 2 rabbits, 1 pelican

No more victim mentality. It's going to take me a long time to be trim and taught, but I have to start somewhere, so 5.10am on 19 February 2009 strikes me as good a time as any.

Motivation

Mary asked me how I stayed motivated and I had to think about it to figure it out. I am interested to hear how everyone else motivates themselves so I thought I would post about it and ask for responses.
Losing weight is something that is very easy theoretically. Calorific expenditure simply needs to be greater than calorific intake over a period of time. Easy!
So why is it actually quite difficult? Why do we have so much other 'stuff' to wade through? When did I start eating when I am bored/tired/sad/stressed? And why did I start using food this way?
I don't have all those answers yet but I have clarified my 4 main motivators; health, memory, vanityand boredom.
Health - I love feeling healthy and fit. I want to live a long life, I want to have a strong immune system so that I don't catch every little bug that's going around and so that I can fight off the illnesses and infections that I do catch. I want my heart, lungs, kidneys, liver and brain to be functioning well. I don't want to be old before my time. I need to take care of myself. Maintaining a healthy weight, eating well and exercising are going to keep me healthy.
Memory - I remember what it feels like to be healthy and fit. To run, jump, cycle, swim, hike, etc. I long to feel that way away again.
Vanity - This is also a strong motivation for me. I have a closet full of clothes that are too tight and I hate that. I don't like the way I look right now. I looked better 6mths ago than I do right now (!) and I really want to get back to feeling and looking like myself and not this person who looks back at me when I look in the mirror.
This is a tricky one though because although it motivates me, it also wears me down. I feel bad about how I look and about how my clothes don't fit and if I am not careful I feel hopeless and miserable and weary of it all. I constantly have to remind myself to pay less attention to this or I will shun exercise in favour of slothing on the couch, and I will start eating to improve my mood. And that won't get me closer to where I want to be.
Boredom - This is a big one. I've had weight to lose since C was born almost 2 1/2 years ago and I am so over it. It is dull, dull, dull. I just want to be done with the bit where I 'lose weight' and I want to get on with the bit where I 'maintain my weight' and can live without thinking about it. Being bored with it all motivates me to get on with it and just get it done.

What motivates you?

Early morning starts

Turns out that early morning starts just aren't my thing.
They used to be, when I was at school.
And at uni.
And working.
But now.... not so much.
That is has been pouring with rain every morning hasn't helped either. I'd rather stay in bed than go for a walk in the pouring rain.
Turns out I'm not as adventurous as I like to think I am either.
So, to make up for not getting out of bed I went for a swim last night when Mr Duyvken got home. I am very lucky to have an outdoor 50m metre pool in my neighbourhood and you know what?
I really enjoyed myself.
I thought it was going to be such hard work but I surprised myself.
I swam 800m and then felt so dizzy I had to get out of the water.
I was aiming for a kilometre but that might have been a little optimistic.
I'll try for 1km next time.
It makes me think that the local tri clubs meets might be do-able. The swim leg is the bit I have been worried about but it's only 500m and, after last night, I feel like I could do it.
Exercise and fresh air are also so good for my state of mind.
I feel revived and better able the deal with the cabin fever that is setting in after 4 days of solid rain.
I'll let you know if it also makes doing those dreaded crunches any easier.
Somehow I doubt it.

Weigh-in

Hm, 60.5kgs, a half kilo loss.
I really need to motivate myself to get more exercise. I know it will make a big difference but I am finding it very hard to get myself moving.
I am so impressed with Kim walking to and from school. She's doing so well! I've set my alarm for 5:15am and I will get out of bed and go for a run.
Did you hear that?
I will go for a run.
I will go for a run.
I will go for a run.
And, I will report back.
If I am quiet over the next few days, you will know why.
Wish me luck!

bleugh

In other news... the last 2.5 days have been what can only be termed a binge. Damn you period. I mean, sure, there were people over and I cooked yummy things but it has been a while since I've been in that place where you keep eating even though you feel ill you're so full.

I'm not weighing myself tomorrow because I know it will not end well.

Instead, I am back to keeping a food diary and having a day (today) where I just try and give my body the chance to digest what its consumed in the last two days.

Weigh In

So I lost half a kilo this week.

Current weight: 89.3kgs.

I am a little disappointed it wasn't more than 500g but then I also ate like a normal person and did exercise so am pleased. No really, I am.

Crunches

One of my goals was to do crunches every day because (after 4 pregnancies) my poor old tummy is not what it used to be but this has been such a difficult thing for me.

Why?

Because it is deathly boring.

Dull, dull dull.

I am not kidding.

I have persisted with it but not really seeing any results yet is wearying. Hopefully, another month or two will change that. Although contemplating another month or two of crunches is doing my head in.

However, I have lost 2kgs so I am heading in the right direction.

******
I am so impressed by Kim's daily walks I might even be able to drag myself out of bed early next week to get a run in before my husband needs to leave for work. I'll let you know how I go!

The ultimate in incidental exercise

So now both boys are at the local school - as opposed to one being at a school two suburbs away - we can all walk/bike ride/scooter to school. Jasper's pre-school is two blocks further on, so on Mondays and Tuesdays we just keep ridin' to drop him off.

We worked out today that it's 2.2km from our house to the boys school. Most days of the week I'm doing that four times a day so I'm walking 8.8km! How awesome is that!

Not only am I getting exercise, the boys are and get this - Jasper rides all the way and all the way back. My little 3 year old is riding 4.4km a day. Without one single complaint. In fact, when I picked him up from kindy yesterday because I though he'd be too tired to ride home and it was too hot he gave me a doozy of a performance at not riding home.

It is early days, but what I'm loving is that because I'm out and moving my eating has been significantly curtailed. For example - no junk food or chocolate in a week. Awesome.

Term 1

So, we all went a bit quiet on the Weightloss Front there didn't we!
We had a bit of an agreement that school holidays were in the too hard basket and that once school went back the focus and determination would kick in.

So here we are. Last week - the first week of term - featured, for me, two days of pure adrenalin and not much food and then a day of walking too and from the boys school in significant hot weather. It's flat all the way and there's a bit of stop-starting due to children and the crossing of roads, but surely all that sweating and chaffing must count for something?

Current weight is 89.7kgs.

I have a goal - next February my very lovely and very stylish friends are getting married in a very gigi location. I have a dress hanging in my wardrobe that would be lovely but I want to be able to buy a new frock and rock it.

So... ONWARD.

watch out ladies - the gloves are coming off

I have been feeling completely overwhelmed by the whole concept of weight loss and exercise. I have been relying on sugar fixes to get me through the lulls. But hopefully I am about to be given an unfair advantage. Tonight the doctor has recommended a course of iron injections as well as on going iron tablets for anaemia plus an increase in my thyroxine dose. I plan on feeling like a new woman.

me vs scales, part 675

I worked hard on the food control leading up to at the end of last year - from 103.3kg on 15 October 2008 to 97.3 kg at the end of November. But then came the festive season and I lost the plot a bit, then a bit more in the new year, including being laid up with a bad back for a few days and feeling craaaap! So this morning I was 101.3kg. Not completely undone, but just about.
So today what did I do - ate! But I did take the kids for a quick ride up the road this arvo (about 2km return) and then after dinner (roast lamb, vegies roasted in the pan, peas, fresh corn, gravy and including dessert - sensational combo of fresh apricots and a peach drizzled with lime curd and wrapped in a piece of shortcrust pastry, sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar and baked, served warm with a small scoop of icecream) I went for another ride on my own of about 6km return (I could hardly reach the handle bars over my monstrous gut). Slightly redeemed, and enough to help me feel I am not a completely lost cause.
And so it begins...... again

Weigh In

Last week: 89.8kgs
This week: 89.0kgs
Loss: 0.8kgs

A bit of a surprise really, there was still a LOT of eating going on.
BUT
Things I did start on:
- being more conscious of when I'm full
- eating a proper breakfast (something I am always a stickler for but have become slack on during the festive season)
- a lot less junk food


My goals this week are:
- to start moving - maybe doing one of the exercise videos I have at home OR get up to that alarm I've set for 5am to go for a walk OR go to the gym I am paying to be a member of but never go to.
- stick to the food diary

So far off the rails I can't even see the tracks

I haven't even bothered to weigh myself since before Christmas. Enough said.

Every day is a new day

Wake up call

We went to day 2 of the Australia v South Africa test at the SCG yesterday with my husband's work. We were sitting in the hospitalilty suites and therefore had to comply wth a pretty stringent dress code. Ladies are required to wear a blouse with slacks or a skirt or a dress, no shorts or thongs and nothing too revealing. That doesn't sound too difficult but I haven't lost all the weight from my last pregnancy yet and I was already carrying a few extra kgs so, while my wardrobe has lot's of lovely tops, skirts, dresses and pants there are very few things that actually fit. I have a pair of jeans, a pair of shorts and a dress on rotation at the moment. I was able to find a pair of pants (bought the morning of my grandmother's funeral 7 weeks after my daughter's birth) and a top that didn't match the pants but did kind of fit the dress code. I was in tears trying to find something to wear as I realised that I don't just have a little weight to lose but quite a significant amount of work to do before I can get back into most of the things in my closet. My fitness is pretty woeful and my face looks very different to how it did a couple of years ago. Generally I am not happy about how I look and how I feel in my body and it's time to take some serious steps. So here I am, joining Boombalardy to share my weight loss and fitness journey, to lean on the bare-faced accountability of weighing in publicly week after week and to support the other bloggers who also carry more into 2009 than they really want to.
This is where I start - current weight 63kgs, goal weight 50 - 52kgs.
Weekly aim - to exercise 3-4 times a week and to do sit-ups every day.

It's Time

For five years now I have bored friends with discussions of how THIS is the year that I am going to lose weight.

THIS though is the year and in the presence of three other women to inspire and encourage me I want to lose 22kg by the end of 2009.

I am unofficially 91.2 kg - I have decided to do a weekly weigh in on Tuesdays... Mondays can be a bit disheartening if I have indulged myself on the weekends.

The game plan.

I am a fan of Kate Morgan shakes for breakfast.

Lunch will generally be a wholegrain sandwich of salad and protein.

Dinner a small serve of whatever I have cooked for the children and myself.

My downfall - and this is where I would appreciate some advice - is afternoon tea - all those yummy cakes and biscuits I feed the kids at that time.  Sure - I should just not buy them or make them.  Are there things I could make/bake that would be good for afternoon tea and then lunchboxes the following day?

And exercise of course...

New Year

So here we are.

Starting another year where summer = humidity = chaffing = swimsuit angst = resolution to lose weight again.

I'm almost pushing maximum density once more.

Nothing fits.

Everything is uncomfortable.

My body repulses me.

Which is stupid because it's not my body's fault there are rolling loaves of fat and rubbing thighs.

This year Boombalardy is expanding - but less in a loosening the belt and more in an arms wide open kinda way.

Blue Mountains Mary and Duyvken are joining me and Kill. Our own Biggest Loser, except it's not a competition. So maybe more our own Weight Watchers meeting. Hopefully more that than Fat Fighters.

So the starting point.

Weight: 89.8kgs
Goal: 68kgs

Sigh of sighs