I've just returned from my monthly check-in with my psychiatrist. We talked a lot about my weight. About how I need to lose 15kgs to be back in a land where I feel good about myself, look good and am far healthier than I am now.
This year has been all about the weight loss so naturally I have put on about 4 kilos.
I'm now the heaviest I've been since 2007, post Grover pregnancy.
My fat girl clothes are not fitting.
I am panicked, PANICKED, about my weight.
Which of course is the worst thing to be because you look on yourself with loathing and the future with fear. Fear of losing the weight but then finding you are not losing the weight. And then your mind becomes a mine field of what ifs. What if this is how I will look for the rest of my life? What if I never lose all this belly fat? What if I develop diabetes? What if What if What if.
It's so freakin' unhealthy.
So my shrink, M, gave me a new strategy today. For the first time in my weight loss obsessive life I am not focusing on the end point. I am not focusing on the weight. Instead, I'm going to focus on two things:
1. Activity
2. Portion
1. Activity
I have to schedule physical activity. Diarise it. If I miss the 'appointment' I have to put a big red cross through it. If I make the 'appointment' then I put a big green tick through it.
It does not have to be every day.
But I have to schedule it and keep the times firm in my diary.
2. Portion
A return to eating sensible sized portions of whatever I'm eating.
Again, it doesn't have to be every day - we're aiming for 5/6 days out of 7.
I am not to set foot near scales for at least six weeks. If and only IF I start to notice some clothes fitting better I can weigh myself.
I am making this sound very didactic which he didn't at all. If he had that would have been a 'sub-optimal' delivery of a message - as M would say. Isn't that awesome. I'm so going to use that with the boys - 'Grover, screaming at me because you're tired but don't want to go to bed is a sub-optimal way of winning favour with me'.
So - off we go again.
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This is a totally lame suggestion because you are probably already doing this but it took me a while to work it out. I make myself eat breakfast and then I make myself eat lunch. I'm not really hungry for lunch at lunchtime but I make a sandwich and I eat it and then, miraculously, I don't think about food again until I am making the kids dinner at about 5. It cut down my mid-afternoon snacking dramatically and then I felt so damn saintly about eating so well during the day I felt no desire to eat up after dinner and ruin all that good work. It's so simple I can't believe it worked but I'm eating 3 meals, 1 or 2 fruit snacks and that's it.
Good luck, Kim, you'll get there!!
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