Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Week 8, Days 5 and 6

These have been manic.
Today was ridiculous.

Yesterday's breakfast was yoghurt and rhubarb
Today's didn't exist as I was getting four kids ready for the day by 7am. And that was even though I was up at 5.15.
There were a LOT of lollies today. A lot of sugar.

Both days featured sushi for lunch


Last night I picked at the duck and chicken as I prepared it for dinner
Tonight I had some udon noodle soup and roasted pineapple.

That's what I can remember.

Tomorrow's weigh in so that will be interesting.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Week 8, Day 4

Breakfast:
1 slice fruit toast w/ ricotta, honey and cinnamon
cup of tea

morning tea:
a very big fingerful of Nutella

Lunch:
breadroll, chicken rissole, slice cheese, beetroot, salad greens, onion

Afternoon tea:
Rhubarb compote

Dinner:
salad leaves, tomatoes tossed w/ parsley, skim milk yoghurt cucumber raita, tandoori chicken, steamed rice

four chocolate finger biscuits

Week 8, Day 3

Breakfast:
Homemade pancakes w/ lemon juice and sugar
cup of tea

lunch (was at a party for a girl in Oscar's class):
three party size sausage rolls
2 slices baguette topped w/ salad and prawns
several multigrain crackers w/ blue cheese
slice cake

Dinner:
Make your own hamburgers - homemade chicken rissole, slice cheese, beetroot, breadroll, which I couldn't finish

water:
2 litres
exercise:
nil (does holding Grover for duration of party - 2.5 hours - count as exercise?)

Friday, October 26, 2007

Week 8, Day 2

Breakfast:
1 slice fruit toast w/ ricotta, honey and cinnamon
cup of tea

Lunch:
Left over homemade pizza
Small bowl leftover low-fat risotto

Afternoon tea:
home made choc chip oatmeal biccie
1 frosty fruit ice block

Dinner:
bbq chicken and salad

water 2 litres
Exercise: walk for about 45mins w/ big hills (from home, up round Warriewood headland, stopped at park for about 15, home) pushing double stroller

Week 8, Day 1

Fruit toast w/ ricotta and a drizzle of honey
cup of tea

Sushi
Handful of chocolate sultanas

home made pizzas - three slices w/ tomato sauce, garlic and ricotta (I was still quite full from lunch)

Exercise - nil

Weigh In - Week 7

Well, I warned you.
+0.7kgs.
I suppose it was all those chocolate finger biscuits dipped in blue icing.
Or the slices of streusel cake.
Or the multitude of scones. With jam. And cream.

But good must come from bad.

It got me back to the gym on Wednesday night.
And I almost enjoyed it.
I could still (just) balance on the exercise ball up on my knees. Not bad eh. Considering I hadn't been since February 2006.
It was also, on a scale, nowhere near as 'bad' as what I was eating almost every day little over seven weeks ago.
My fat intake has probably dropped by 95 per cent.
My junk food intake has essentially ceased.
The empty calories of juice and the sneaking growth of the amount of soft drink I was consuming have both ceased.
We would eat pasta maybe one night a week now. It was 3 or four.
There are lentils on the menu.
And loads of veggies and salad.
Fish is now at least once a week.
And every day I tell myself this road I am on now, will have peaks and valleys.
As it is my life.
And there is a lot of work to be done on how I use food.
For when I am sad, stressed, happy and virtually any other emotion at the end of the emotional spectrum I use food as my buffer.
For everything in between I use food.
I think that by baking for others they'll like me more. I think making lovely things for the boys will make me a better mother. In their eyes.
When simply being me does that each and every day.
But without food I feel stripped bare. Like 'what have I got to fall back on/hide behind/deflect the attention'.

So this week was a valley in terms of my weight going down. But it was a peak in terms of my third child turning two and him having a family around him who love him to bits and who light up his life as much as he shines a thousand golden orbs of light into ours.
And that is what I shall remember.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Week 7

This week has been madness.
You know what I've learnt? Than when I have a good weight loss, when I start feeling better about my body and how I look, celebrating by eating solidly for five days is not the best response.
It started with weigh in day where I ate a LOT of chocolate post the good 0.5kg loss.
It continued with the three day Festival of Jasper birthday celebrations.
The amount of butter frosting I shovelled into my mouth on the end of chocolate finger biscuits is not worth dwelling on. Nor the number of pieces of streusel cake I consumed. Nor the amount of cream I dolloped onto the top of my scones.
Yesterday the number of calories I consumed was just ridiculous.
I did it as a shoot-myself-in-the-foot approach. So convinced am I that I've put on about 1kg this week I figured I might as well make it come true.
SO
I went to the gym last night.
For the first time since February 2006.
2kms on what I believe is called the elliptical trainer in about 13 minutes? The one where you put your feet on 'paddles' and walk. Some ball work for 'inner core' (GOD it felt good to suck in that stomach and make the muscles work) then 10 minutes on the treadmill. About 40 minutes all up.
SO
I'm going to write down everything I eat here, on this blog, for a week.
And I'm going to remember to find less self destructive ways to celebrate eating better and thereby losing weight and gaining fitness than eating cake.
It will be scintillating.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Weigh In - Week 6

-0.5.
I knew it too. I had a good week, which means I felt in control. But it was a pair of (maternity) jeans I pulled on that told me I was on the good road.
5kgs is a dress size, I've lost 4.1.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Week 6, Days 1-6

I've had a pretty good week, which has been interesting because I haven't been feeling as flat. And then I got to yesterday and became all bleak about life and had a whole incident today with rice crackers and spring onion (and then French Onion!) dip (at different times) that we need not go into.
Food to fill the void.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Weigh In - Week 5

-0.1kg
But it might as well have been 1kg such was the mental impact.
The last two weeks have been a struggle.
But I feel like I've come through it and my head doesn't feel as fuzzy.
We shall see.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Week 5

Hmmm.
Has the not posting here been on purpose? In that trying to ignore what I've been doing and how I've been feeling I've therefore been eating?
Filling the void?
Or coping with all.the.crying?
Or the pressure I'm putting on myself about the lack of intimacy between me and Chef at the moment?
All the unspokens that end in the eatens.
It's not that I've been 'bad' or out of control, but I haven't been that 'good' at listening to my body and paying the necessary dues in terms of feeling full, getting so hungry I could gnaw off my own arm.
You know, just the normal 'issues' for the person trying to lose weight over here in the corner.


I'm trying to follow the core plan with Weight Watchers and just feel a bit like I'm free falling.
I think I need to follow their suggested menu plans, just to get a feel for it.

Otherwise I am eating essentially a lot more whole foods - less refined sugar and flours. I love doing this and can feel the effects almost instantly in terms of stamina and energy levels.
I am using a HELL of a lot less oil in my cooking.
I'm back to not eating butter - which I do by not eating toast, because I'm having a bircher muesli or poached egg or weetbix with yoghurt and fruit.

I keep telling myself I'm doing this for the long haul. To establish a better relationship with food, to 'normalise' so this see-saw of weight loss and weight gain ends.

But the competitor in me. The perfectionist. They want to see the rungs on the board. They want big weekly losses. They want the clothes in the wardrobe to fit. Now.

I have weigh in tomorrow and I'm absolutely dreading it.
I suspect I have gained again this week.
So I make myself think it all the way through to the end.
What if I have gained again?
My 'leader' Gayle will give me some tips and strategies to try for the week ahead.
I will still be here.
My family will still love me.
The clothes still won't fit.
So I will have another gain.
And another week will present itself.
For better healthier eating.
For perhaps some more (any!) exercise.
And so it goes.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Weigh In - Week 4

Well it was bound to happen
+0.4kg

I kinda was expecting it.
I changed days as the leader of the group I was attending was shitting me to tears.
The group I'm now going to (on Thursdays) is run by the Leader who ran the meetings I went to when I lost about 14kgs five years ago.
I'm actually OK with it because I know what I did 'wrong' or didn't do:
- exercise
- wasn't tracking
- letting myself get hungry and then gorging rather than listening to my body

My upbeat positivity is surprising even myself.

We shall see how long it lasts.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Week 4, Days 4-7

So this week has been relatively uneventful. Saturday was hard as it was grand final day so there were chips and other assorted things lying around, but apart from that I've been OK.
You watch, I've probably put on this week.