Well hello there

I've just returned from my monthly check-in with my psychiatrist. We talked a lot about my weight. About how I need to lose 15kgs to be back in a land where I feel good about myself, look good and am far healthier than I am now.

This year has been all about the weight loss so naturally I have put on about 4 kilos.

I'm now the heaviest I've been since 2007, post Grover pregnancy.

My fat girl clothes are not fitting.

I am panicked, PANICKED, about my weight.

Which of course is the worst thing to be because you look on yourself with loathing and the future with fear.  Fear of losing the weight but then finding you are not losing the weight. And then your mind becomes a mine field of what ifs. What if this is how I will look for the rest of my life? What if I never lose all this belly fat? What if I develop diabetes? What if  What if What if.

It's so freakin' unhealthy.

So my shrink, M, gave me a new strategy today. For the first time in my weight loss obsessive life I am not focusing on the end point. I am not focusing on the weight. Instead, I'm going to focus on two things:
1. Activity
2. Portion

1. Activity
I have to schedule physical activity. Diarise it. If I miss the 'appointment' I have to put a big red cross through it. If I make the 'appointment' then I put a big green tick through it.
It does not have to be every day.
But I have to schedule it and keep the times firm in my diary.

2. Portion
A return to eating sensible sized portions of whatever I'm eating.
Again, it doesn't have to be every day - we're aiming for 5/6 days out of 7.

I am not to set foot near scales for at least six weeks. If and only IF I start to notice some clothes fitting better I can weigh myself.

I am making this sound very didactic which he didn't at all. If he had that would have been a 'sub-optimal' delivery of a message - as M would say. Isn't that awesome. I'm so going to use that with the boys - 'Grover, screaming at me because you're tired but don't want to go to bed is a sub-optimal way of winning favour with me'.

So - off we go again.  

Duyvken checks in

Slow progress here chez Duyvken has me feeling a little low about this weight loss caper. I know it's the things I do every day that make the difference but I still find myself indulging in Tour de France junk food more than I should. I'm not even staying up to watch the Tour but Mr Duyvken and his cycling pals are often here into the wee hours of the morning and they've been enjoying home-made pizzas, pikelets with caramel sauce and ice-cream, deep fried chicken and plenty of chips, tim tams and OJ. It's the leftover tim tams and chocolates that are bringing me down!
I'm still losing weight but nowhere near as quickly as I would have liked. Of course, the irritating thing about this is that I know it is entirely within my control. I just need to do more sustained exercise - longer walks, cycling, running, etc but it is too easy to take the slacker option.
I don't want to be a slacker so I'd better start making some better decisions and I'd better do it quickly!
I hope all my fellow boombalardians are well and heading in the right direction,
Duyvken.

Current weight: 57.5

Steady as she goes

There's a reason for this continued success. I'll blog about it when I can find a moment from screaming battling children to tell you.

Back on it again

Wanting to lose weight for Greece and for me.

Fat fat the water rat.

x

So I'm just quietly going about trying to deal with the rolls

it seems to be working.

That said, my shrink said to me this week that if you imagine a drug that causes weight gain then increase that one hundredfold and you have the impact of the drug I'm on. Great.

Day 10 Fitstorm - Shredding for success

So I'm up to Day 10. For those of you good at maths you'll realise it has taken more than 10 days to get me to Day 10 - yeah. Sorry about that.

My initial plan was to do it five days a week for six weeks. Then last week happened and I had things on, people to see, places to go, a head cold and allergies that have left me with a burst capillary in my left eye. Noice.

So I'm up to Day 10. I've done six days of Level 1 and three days of Level 2. Some clothes are definitely feeling better - well, the skirt I live in which was getting tighter and tighter is not so tight. Still tight, but not to the point I have to undo it at the end of the day or after a meal.

So here's the drill.

I'm still not 100 per cent committed.
Doesn't that sound ridiculous.
But I'm not.
And you know why?
Because I'm scared of failing. I'm scared that if I lose this weight I'll put it all back on.
Like I have every other time I've lose a significant amount of weight.

And yes, I know how stupid, defeatist and ridiculous that is.

So - AGAIN - I'm sucking it up and keeping on going.

I'm up to Day 10 of Jillian Michael's 30 day shred.
I can now do proper push ups and touch the floor without bending my knees.

I am not weighing myself.

I'm going to take my measurements at the end of the week and see how different they are from ones I took last year.

And I'm working out a meal plan so we don't end up eating pasta five nights a week.

I find if I'm organised in terms of what I'm going to have for breakfast/lunch/dinner I stay on track much better than if I don't.

I'm also going to try and adhere to some of Jillian's advice:
Don’t eat anything that doesn’t come out of the ground or have a mother

I'm still going.

Day 6 Fitstorm

So granted, I am a day behind (I'm doing this five days a week for six weeks ... to get to the 30 days) but today I started on Level 2 (out of three) with JIIIIIlian.

Holy crap people.
The sweat, the intensity, the complicated moves requiring coordination I simply don't have.
Seriously, a lot of it seemed to require me to be ready to do a push up, but instead I'm pulling my legs up together, separately, bending one leg and swinging it through to the other side, crunching with my legs in the air. It was like a game of solo Twister.

I've given the scales away for the moment, they don't do anything for my mental state in trying to lose weight. Instead, I'm using the 'holy hell don't waste all that effort with JIIIIIlian' approach.

I'll weigh myself in a couple of weeks.