Monday, October 18, 2010

Starting all over again. Again.

Yep. Been here before.
Sick of the fat.
Sick of the lack of fitness.
Sick of the self-loathing.

But I'm back.

10kgs by Christmas.

I'm also going to do the Couch to 5km program. With Felix. So that will have to start once his whooping cough is dealt with.

I've got the number for a local Zumba class.

Mum is well enough I can get back into going for a swim two mornings a week.

It's time.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


Howdy strangers
Are we back - are we going to nail this sucker once and for all?!!??!!
Time to lose it.

Criteria and Motivation
  • I am not pregnant (tick)
  • I am breastfeeding (tick and tick)
  • My stomach is grotesque and hangs about in weird places (ticks me right off)
  • I have seen myself in a mirror lately (no tickets on myself there)
  • I can not afford a whole new wardrobe...... again (unless fat girl shop has a further 50% off the already reduced ticketed price)
  • I am worth it (tick tick tick).
Anyone for tennis?

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Well hello there

I've just returned from my monthly check-in with my psychiatrist. We talked a lot about my weight. About how I need to lose 15kgs to be back in a land where I feel good about myself, look good and am far healthier than I am now.

This year has been all about the weight loss so naturally I have put on about 4 kilos.

I'm now the heaviest I've been since 2007, post Grover pregnancy.

My fat girl clothes are not fitting.

I am panicked, PANICKED, about my weight.

Which of course is the worst thing to be because you look on yourself with loathing and the future with fear.  Fear of losing the weight but then finding you are not losing the weight. And then your mind becomes a mine field of what ifs. What if this is how I will look for the rest of my life? What if I never lose all this belly fat? What if I develop diabetes? What if  What if What if.

It's so freakin' unhealthy.

So my shrink, M, gave me a new strategy today. For the first time in my weight loss obsessive life I am not focusing on the end point. I am not focusing on the weight. Instead, I'm going to focus on two things:
1. Activity
2. Portion

1. Activity
I have to schedule physical activity. Diarise it. If I miss the 'appointment' I have to put a big red cross through it. If I make the 'appointment' then I put a big green tick through it.
It does not have to be every day.
But I have to schedule it and keep the times firm in my diary.

2. Portion
A return to eating sensible sized portions of whatever I'm eating.
Again, it doesn't have to be every day - we're aiming for 5/6 days out of 7.

I am not to set foot near scales for at least six weeks. If and only IF I start to notice some clothes fitting better I can weigh myself.

I am making this sound very didactic which he didn't at all. If he had that would have been a 'sub-optimal' delivery of a message - as M would say. Isn't that awesome. I'm so going to use that with the boys - 'Grover, screaming at me because you're tired but don't want to go to bed is a sub-optimal way of winning favour with me'.

So - off we go again.  

Friday, July 17, 2009

Duyvken checks in

Slow progress here chez Duyvken has me feeling a little low about this weight loss caper. I know it's the things I do every day that make the difference but I still find myself indulging in Tour de France junk food more than I should. I'm not even staying up to watch the Tour but Mr Duyvken and his cycling pals are often here into the wee hours of the morning and they've been enjoying home-made pizzas, pikelets with caramel sauce and ice-cream, deep fried chicken and plenty of chips, tim tams and OJ. It's the leftover tim tams and chocolates that are bringing me down!
I'm still losing weight but nowhere near as quickly as I would have liked. Of course, the irritating thing about this is that I know it is entirely within my control. I just need to do more sustained exercise - longer walks, cycling, running, etc but it is too easy to take the slacker option.
I don't want to be a slacker so I'd better start making some better decisions and I'd better do it quickly!
I hope all my fellow boombalardians are well and heading in the right direction,

Current weight: 57.5

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Steady as she goes

There's a reason for this continued success. I'll blog about it when I can find a moment from screaming battling children to tell you.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Back on it again

Wanting to lose weight for Greece and for me.

Fat fat the water rat.


Sunday, May 24, 2009

So I'm just quietly going about trying to deal with the rolls

it seems to be working.

That said, my shrink said to me this week that if you imagine a drug that causes weight gain then increase that one hundredfold and you have the impact of the drug I'm on. Great.