cave mysteries

At the caves we visited there were little squiggly stalactite formations called helictites. Before they received this scientific name they wer known as cave mysteries, because noone was (or indeed is now) really sure how they form - against the forces of gravity, in a bizarre range of shapes, defying logic. This must also apply to my loss this week of 0.2kg - a loss I tell you!! It must be very closely correlated to the number of steps and hills I climbed, because it CERTAINLY was not related to my food intake. But I shall take and run. It brings my total loss so far to a round 6.0kg (over 7 weeks).

flat-liner

Well last weekend I indulged in champagne on two separate occassions, rissoles at a BBQ and Rocky Road etc etc. THe net result - 0.0kg as I managed to pull it all together on Monday and Tuesday and come out even!

But this week - oh deary me! Friday and Saturday were VERY much out of control in terms of food. Although a weekend away did mean lots of walking and stairs and hills. This morning it looks like a 0.8kg gain but if I can pull it together for the next two days and eat cleansing salad, no alcohol and lots of water - I might break even again (hopefully!)

So KPB - your turn to lead the inspiration this week my friend

Weigh In - Week 6

So no change this week.
Which was good I think. I'm still below 87kgs. YIPPEE!

This week I'm coming back to writing everything down and so far I've been tracking pretty well.
I'm hoping for a decent loss by next Wednesday.

Weigh in

So I weighed in yesterday and lost another 1.1kg. I didn't expect to do so well two weeks in a row. I am actually averaging more than 1kg per week which I am more than happy with. The food diary is keeping me honest. Did slip in a couple of extra half pieces of chocolate brownie tonight. But they are made with mashed banana, wholemeal flour, fat free natural yoghurt and two table spoons of vegie oil. So apart from the large amounts of cocoa and sugar, they are not too bad (no saturated fat anyway).

Still need to refocus on exercise. Had a flash in the pan in week 1 but have been a bit manic since, and haven't made it a priority.

Still have a long way to go. Still need to accept this as a long term plan, not a quick fix.

Still need to go to bed earlier and get more sleep.

last week : 98.6kg
this week: 97.5kg

Weigh In - Week 5

Well, look at that - I get my very own pep talk from Kill, start keeping a food diary and actually try and look what happens...

Last week: 87.5
This week: 86.6

Yey!

Tuesday

So Kill has a food diary she writes in every day - I have one of those too but where I'm at at the moment requires me to write it publicly as my current resolve is not yet strong enough to be 'honest' with myself privately.

Breakfast: two slices five-seed bread w/ homemade apricot jam (YUM), cup of tea

another week

Well, I should have posted last Wednesday so I could gloat over my 1.2kg loss. Never mind, the moment has passed. Still feeling proud of my effort though. Have discovered I need to focus on my goal, loath myself as I am, understand that is not who I really am, and get on with it. Writing everything down keeps me honest and on track. Even if I can't be fagged, I write it down anyway. I have a Symply Too Good To Be True 8 week food journal (from last Christmas) and it is working a treat. $5 from the newsagent. When this one runs out I am getting another - immediately. My initial goal was to lose 5kg before Christmas - I may already be there this week (4.7kg so far). I may adjust the festive goal to 10kg - WOW, that would be great.

Monday

Breakfast: bircher muesli w/ pomegranate seeds and raspberries
Morning tea: handful cheerios (because they were sitting on the bench)
Lunch: 1 mid-sized wholemeal pita bread w/ garlicky tahini and tomatoes
Afternoon tea: 2 apricots, one jamdrop biscuit
Dinner: roasted vegetables w/ gravy (the piece of beef I roasted was inedibly tough... sniff)

The weekend

Wow, not a bad weekend at all - it's like I had to have an out-of-control one like last week. Today was a bit weird because I got up late so breakfast didn't happen - but when I was at the shops buying stuff for lunch and the week ahead I didn't get any crap to fill me up.

I'm quite proud of myself.

The psychology of eating

My shrink has just semi-retired/career-changed and after probably somewhere in the vicinity of 40 years as a psychiatrist he said that he was still no closer to understanding why some people have 'issues' with food and others don't.

But for me, in these early stages of - once again - having to lose weight I feel like a true addict. Each day that passes without me having shovelled more into my mouth than I needed or making food choices that are only going to end badly I psychologically punch the air in victory.

I imagine this is how a gambling addict must feel each and every time they walk past a TAB.
Or an alcoholic walking past the bottle-o.

It is a strange victory, one laden with exhausted resignation.

And so here I stand, another day to get through.

Breakfast:
bowl of porridge w/ stewed rhubarb and pomegranate
Morning tea:
cape seed roll, 1 mango
Lunch:
cape seed roll w/ ham, tomato and rocket
Arvo tea:
small piece of banana parkin
Dinner:
small serve of spaghetti w/ sauteeds broccoli, asparagus and cherry tomatoes

So

Kill left me a pep talk voicemail yesterday.

I've pulled out all my WW books and food diary.

I've written up the two sayings that have kept me focused in the past:

• If you only kind of try to lose weight you'll only kind of lose weight
• Nothing tastes as good as being fit and healthy feels

Today is a new day.

Breakfast - a bowl of porridge w/ stewed rhubard and a drizzle of maple syrup, cup of tea
Morning tea - 2 homemade jamdrop biscuits
Lunch - mulitgrain roll w/ ham, rocket, tomato and mustard, cup of green tea
Dinner - beef stirfy w/ boiled rice and Chinese broccoli

I did it. A day. One day.

Weigh In - Week 4

87.5

Eugh.

daily diary - an example from today

Today I consumed:

• 2 HighBran Weetbix, skim Milk, tub of peaches at 6.45am (out of the house by 7.15am)
• cup of tea in the travel mug
• Trail bar (muesli/nut thing about 1.5 points I think) at 9.45 am (after 2hrs in the car)
• 1/4 rockmelon at 11.30am (in an underground mine)
• ham salad sandwich (no butter, no cheese, dizzle of low fat dijonaise), diet yogurt, apple and trail bar between 3.45pm and 4.30 pm - back in the car for 2.5 hours home

I DID NOT BUY JUNK OR EVEN DIET COKE FROM A SERVO!

• small serve of reheated spag bol at home at 7.30pm
• diet choc mousse at 9pm (after kids in bed)

I reckon about 20-21 points for the day. Apart from the fact that I should have separated lunch and arvo tea, not a bad day. Plenty of food. Planned ahead. Drank lots of water.

prediction

I am hoping for a small loss tomorrow. I have made some effort this week in terms of food. It included being the purveyor of healthy food at both a morning and an afternoon tea - vegie sticks with homemade 4 bean dip. And serving up glasses of water to the girls between (Jewel) champagnes. How responsible I can be - and there was both surprise and encouragement from the girls!

For some reason, despite how great it made me feel in the first week, exercise has been non-existant for the last couple of weeks. When I have a spare minute I may attempt it again.

Week 3 or somesuch...

oh I'm having a shocker people.

Friday, Saturday and Sunday seemed to be the triathalon event of just how much I could eat even though I wasn't hungry and wasn't really enjoying it. Seriously.

No idea why. Self sabotage? My period due? Who the hell knows. I think I averaged about 40 points on Sat and Sunday. Each.

Today has been a moderate improvement.

I would like to lose 5kgs in the next 7 weeks - in time for Christmas.
When that came into my head (I know Kill had been talking about losing 5 for Christmas) I felt a renewed sense of focus.

Hopefully it will help. I certainly know I will be back in the 87 zone this week.

Week 3

I cracked it - the big triple figures are (only just) history. Weigh on Wed was -0.6kg to 99.8kg. Still a disgraceful place to be, and still feeling like a hippo, but it's PROGRESS. And I am determined to be happy with progress.

Weigh In - Week 3

WHOOT!

I cracked the 87.

Last week I weighed: 87.7
This week I weigh: 86.9
Loss: 0.8

I'm not sure about you but I have certain weights which when I hit them it becomes very hard to keep moving.

87kgs is one of them - I have spent a large amount of my life at this weight and I think my body is very used to it. Another point is 74 kgs - I spent a large amount of my life at that weight too. Ofcourse thinking I was massively obese when if I'd lost as little as three kilos I would have been within the weight range for my height.

Anyway. The reason for this week's progress?
Not listening to the voice in my head telling me that I was already so fat and there was no way I had lost any weight so I might as well eat that chocolate.
Asking myself if I had to write down everything I was eating here - on this blog, for the world to see - would I eat it?
And no chips.

I am just stoked to be below 87, even if it is only just.

Weigh In - Week 2

So I gained 700g this week.
Crap.

It has however made me pull my head in - of sorts.

Yesterday was the first day in the two weeks that I think I ate within an 18 point limit.
I had an apple and a date scone for snacks, porridge for brekkie, a salad sandwich for lunch at Ikea (when I could have had meatballs) and spag bol at the inlaws.

When I weighed myself this morning I'd lost 600g from Wednesday. Here's hoping I can sustain it for a whole week and see where it gets me for next Wednesday's weigh-in

Week 2 weigh in.

Well this week has had it's ups and downs.
1. A night at mum and dad's that invariably involves champagne. Did have three but they were the low joule Jewel stuff and restricted myself to rice crackers for nibbles
2. Attended a training event where lunch was supplied. Ate 2 half sandwiches for lunch and some fruit. MOrning and arvo tea, I steered clear of the plates of yummy (sabotage) goodies and had a sultana scone with no butter (twice).
3. Had an open day with an early start on Saturday. 2 weetbix before we left home were quickly brought undone by a free bacon and egg roll at about 9am. But I rationalised it, counted the points and gave Hen the sausage sandwich I was given around midday. Ate a banana on the way home in the car instead at about 1pm. And I wasn't hungry anyway - apparently, so thousands of skinny people say, this is a valid reason for not eating - who knew!???!
4. Friends for dinner Sat night - challenges all round! Made a dip with a tin of 4 bean mix, salt, garlic and lemon juice and a drizzle of olive oil - it was good! Served it up with wasabi peas, vegie sticks and rice crackers. Served salmon fillets with green salad, cous cous and chickpea salad and boiled baby spuds tossed in a little butter. And here comes the undoing - I had made chocolate mousse - dark choc on the bottom, white choc on top served with whipped cream and blueberries - superb self sabotage! Plus the 4 (Jewel) champagnes.
5. Got back on track a bit on Sunday, and limited myself to 15 points Monday and 15 Tuesday. Exercise for the week - 2 sessions on the treadmill. AND the result for this week - consolidated last week with a loss of 0.1kg. But I am still keen and looking forward to cracking this STUPID 100 this week.

Awwwcrap

So I did a pre-weigh-in day weigh-in.

Apparently I've GAINED 1.3kgs this week.

CRAP.

Weigh In - Week 1

This week was half arsed.

I ate chocolate.
I ate chips.
I drank A LOT of sparkling shiraz at Jasper's 3rd birthday.
I did no exercise whatsoever - except cleaning and rearranging the back room.

BUT

I did eat a proper breakfast and lunch each day - dinners were a bit hit and miss, as was mid-morning, which is my weak spot.

I did have two days at hospital with children which involved a lot of nervous energy and not much food.

I need to lose 19.6kg.
This week I lost 0.6kg.

Any loss is a good loss.

10%! Bring on week 2

Wow
It just shows me how slack I have been. And how being healthy is not that difficult.

I need to lose 28.3kg.
This week I lost 2.8kg.
10% of what I need to lose.
Yey!

Keep that up and it will all be gone by Christmas. No, I'm not that unrealistic. But great to have an encouraging start. Good on me.

Kill 100.5

little victories

Have actually stood up to myself over the last few days:
1. Went to the races for a couple of hours on Sat afternoon and limited myself to 2 champagnes and maybe 3 corn chips
2. Increased incidental activity that also achieved something by doing some gardening on the weekend. Unfortunately my back was buggered yesterday afternoon, but seemed OK again this arvo so I dug a couple more holes tonight and then managed 30 minutes on the treadmill too.
3. Had a morning tea thing at school and limited myself to one half date scone (and hunted around till I found one with no butter) and then had 2 bites of a cupcake (Jem had licked the icing off and given it to me, but I left the rest even though it was nice) and one piece of slice Jem gave to me. But that was it and I counted the points in.
4. Tonight I cooked home grown lamb chops and mash for the others and then made myself a salad. Added a leg and thigh of a BBQ chook but removed all the skin (sprocket enjoyed it)
5. Have bought some WW meals for the freezer so I can cook for the family and then hook into a frozen dinner and salad/vegies. Also have heaps of WW desserts so I can satisfy my sweet tooth.
6. I am writing down everything in my little log book - I have had it for a nearly a year - I was going to lose 5kg leading up to Christmas last year (instead I gained 15!)

I am actually proud of myself and looking forward to seeing how much I have lost this week!!??!!

Day 3

Hmmm.

Issues so far this week:

1. The chocolate mum bought me (that I had requested) in the States calling my name.
2. The pizza last night as I was too knackered after handling four children all afternoon at swimming lessons and haircuts and getting home at 6. (Stupid - normally have something slow cooking for Thursday nights)
3. The creamy prawn penne I made for dinner tonight.

I do believe this is called self sabotaging.

I start each day beautifully, fall down mid-morning then pull it back together and normally last the rest of the day. Sometimes.

Onya Kill - so impressed the exercise regime has already begun. You've inspired me. Tomorrow there will be physical activity of some sort...

Day 2

250km in the car, 3 meetings, 2 kids haircuts, week 1 Little A's, 17.5 points consumed, 30 minutes treadmill, hair wash and Heroes. A good day.

These boots are made for walking

The poor old treadmill just got pulled down and turned on!! Shocking, I know. 30 minutes, extraordinarily slow and stupidly painful - well uncomfortable. But it's a start. And it stopped me from obsessing about what to stuff in my cake hole after dinner.

I have arrived.......

.......and how far have I fallen to get here.

Just checked my weight loss chart on the back of the door this morning. It was march 2006 and I weighed 76.5kg - It was just over 12months since having J - a pregnancy I had started at 105kg. That enormous sense of achievement, the consistent effort and tracking what I ate for months was rewarded with attending a 'college reunion' type wedding and feeling fantastic about myself in a new LBD. The first LBD I had ever worn with confidence in my whole life. And this morning, stark naked after a wee - 103.3.

FUCK THAT - GAME ON

Me vs 30kg here we go

Kill : 103.3

Back v.2.545

So how many times have we been here? Unhappy in appearance but still shovelling food in and not moving my sorry arse?

For the last few months Chef and I have been losing weight together. This has involved him losing 12.5kgs and me gaining 3. Nice. The upside has been a return to the gym, although that has fallen by the wayside in the last month due to everyone being sick, the end of term and school holidays.

So here I stand. Fat and sick of it.

So we're going to try something different - not in terms of weightloss because I know exactly what is required - eat less, move more - but here, in the land of Boombalardy.

I'm going to be joined by Kill - my best friend through thick and thin. We're both at a place with our bodies we would rather not be. We've both been 'thin' in terms of within the weight range for our height - but have slipped away from it back to the land of multiple stomachs, chins and back boobs.

Sometimes it's because life has dealt us a hand of cards too stressful and upsetting to stomach without a gutful of salt and vinegar chips or a family block of chocolate or a bowlful of icecream. Sometimes because a situation seems to have no solution let alone an end in sight of any sort.

So we're going to do this together - the good days and bad - the losses and the gains.

Wednesdays are weigh-in day.

A new start.
Again.

Kim: 87.6kgs.

Back

This week's loss: 0.6kg


So, Chef has a pretty monumental weightloss road ahead of him.
He seems to finally get it.
That if he doesn't lose at least a significant portion of it he's going to develop diabetes, have a heart attack or continue down a path of major health issues.

We're doing it together.

Wednesday is weigh in day.
He's made up a chart that we record our weekly weight on - and a column that indicates percentage of body mass lost. And measurements.

We're our own Biggest Loser show over here.

Game on.

tra la la BOOM today

Well it's official.
I am pretty certain I'm going backwards.
Can't stop eating chocolate.
Think in my head 'food is fuel' and then thumb.even.my.big.fat.nose. at it.

Must get back on track.
MUST.

Update

Appalling.
February.
Blew Chunks.
Which made me say something like the following:
"Food for fuel not comfort MY ARSE"
or
"Nothing tastes as good as being thin and fit feels GET BENT"
Followed by an enormous consumption of chocolate
Not seen since about 2003.

Going back to work = not being able to get to my WW meeting anymore.
The only one that fits is a Wednesday night and that, my friends, on a day I am at work is in the too hard basket.
So what to do what to do.
Because I need to get to 65 kilos sometime before 2010.
Just because.

So the plan while I find a WW meeting I can get to
(because clearly yes I do need the threat of a public weigh-in gain to keep me on track)
is to write a food journal.
And to write it here
because the three of you that seem to check in here every day?
I know how scintillating you will find it.

Yesterday:
Breakfast - bowl of Special K with low fat yoghurt and skim milk
Lunch - toast with homemade jam (yes I need to do a grocery shop)
Dinner - corned beef w/ three veg mash (made w/ skim milk, no butter) and white sauce (made w/ skim milk) and broccoli
Water - 3 x 600ml bottles

Today:
Breakfast - bowl of Special K with low fat yoghurt and skim milk
Lunch - bowl of vegetable noodle soup w/ rice vermicelli noodles
Dinner - homemade pizza w/ onion, mushroom, little bit of ham and low fat ricotta (YUM)
Water - 3 x 600ml
4 squares Lindt cherry intense dark chocolate

I know, the excitement is breathtaking.

And in another new leaf, I'm opening up comments over here.
Be.Nice.
No Assvice please.

Weigh In - Week 20

-0.9

That, people, is just plain luck.
I have no idea how I did that.

Well, maybe an inkling.
You see, about 11 years ago I lost about 27kgs following a program by this French guy, Michel Montignac that he called 'Dine Out and Lose Weight'.
In a nutshell it is food combining.
I guess it must be like Atkins but more balanced - for you still eat carbs but you try to eat only good carbs and not with protein.
It means 11 years ago I was working off gylcemic index principles that became all the rage recently.
And well dudes, it works.
Clearly.
I've been doing it since Week 12 and every week since (almost) I've lost.

But I haven't been ruthless with it because this time round what I'm doing/eating has to be sustainable.
I mean, only ever eating a pasta dish with virtually no fat and no meat?
Get real.
I mean, Thai/Japanese/Chinese/other Asian cuisine without rice?
Get real.
A poached egg on its own? Without a slice of toast?
Get real.

But if I do have pasta that's rich or has a meat based sauce, I'm only eating a small bowl with a lot more salad.
If we're having Thai takeaway I'm only having a small portion of rice.

And you know what happens when I do this?
My sugar intake and my fat intake go down dramatically.
My cravings become a lot clearer (ie - it's not I need chips it's I really need something salty etc)

So there you go, that's where I'm at.

Exercise has been non-existent as it's just been in the too hard basket and I'm also conscious of when I get into the 70s that is when I need to pull out the exercise folder as the 70s is where I've resided most of my adult life and this body hates letting go of those layers.

Weigh In - Week 19

OK, so I didn't go to WW from 21 December until last Thursday.
But get this.
My goal for last week was to be 87.5kgs.

So sure, I hadn't been in four weeks.
But I LOST 0.1kg.
100grams.
It might as well have been 1kg.

But that 100 grams meant I was at my mini-goal.

Of course the week of eating this past week will probably ruin it, but there you go.

Weigh-in tomorrow.

Back on track

OK, so I haven't been to WW for two weeks. The first was Boxing Day and I think it only fair that I had a short reprieve. And last week was because I just knew it would be ugly.

I KNOW this week will be ugly - I suspect the gain is going to be somewhere around the 2kg mark. There is no way the amount of saturated fat and in particular CREAM I have ingested in the last fortnight could not have pushed me out that far.

BUT, that said, it has been a sumptious two weeks of baking and good food and now I am ready to face this year of further good food and baking, just maybe a bit less butter.

My goal is to be at 85kg by the time I am due back to work - 4 Feb.
My goal is to be under 70kg, ideally somewhere around 68kg by my birthday.
I have a notion of being 66 by 36, but that's just because I like the sound of it.
I haven't been 66 kgs since about 1986, so you know, it'd be a golden goal.


But I'm back. It's going to be a bumpy ride, but knowing how much happier and confident I am when I'm not this size.