What can I tell you, I'm feeling mighty fugly this week.
I didn't get up yesterday or today for a walk but I did the school walk yesterday arvo and this morning (Monday mornings are speech morning for Oscar so I was car-bound)
I ate about 3 kilos of potato salad at my BIL's 40th on Saturday. I was so full I had to undo my skirt. Which was tight already. Which I had bought when I lost the 10kgs last year before going back to work.
I feel like just sitting down with a ginormous bag of chips and wallowing.
But then I tell myself, this was never going to be a quick fix.
This was about feeling good about myself and sitting down with those chips will not result in me being wrapped in a glorious swathe of self love.
This is about being fit and healthy for my kids ... and me.
This is about me feeling sexy and a woman.
So the mind, it does dangerous things doesn't it.
I want to pack it all in today and just forget about it.
But then I will still be lugging around 18 kilos too many.
I will still be out of breathe at the smallest incline.
I will still avoid physical activity at the merest whiff of it.
And that is not who I want to be.
I am reminding myself about my goal - to be looking fabulous in a new frock at the wedding of some very chic friends next February.
Which is funny because the bad brain is saying to me, why bother, you're never going to get there by then.
But you know, even if I'm 10 kgs lighter by then I know I'll look a hell of a lot better and feel good about myself while also having a lot more options when it comes to finding an outfit.
See. This is what goes on in my brain every single day.
No wonder I'm a nutbag.
*UPDATE AT 2PM*
So, I've managed to get to 2pm w/out eating chocolate, chips or some other crapola. Am proud of myself in that gritted teeth resignation to the pain kind of way.
4 comments:
There is a lot of suckish to get through before the good stuff kicks in I reckon but you are doing brilliantly. Did you hear that? Brilliabtly! 10kgs lighter by Feb sounds very realistic and it WILL make a difference to how you feel and how you look. Just make sure that each day you find a good balance between calorie intake and output and you'll be watching the scales spiral downward before you know it. xo
What are you and I to do about the little tablets we take that are meant to add an extra 10 kilos to our frame on average.
Feck.
Eat well, move well.
I am eating well. Just not moving well. Need to read A's comment every day I reckon - you and me!
BULLSHIT - if you stick to your plan with the committment that you deserve to give to yourself (because you are worth it, instead of every other TINY thing that anyone else needs coming first) you could be at your goal by FUCKING CHRISTMAS!
So there - that's your tough love for the day.
You know I love you don't you !!
OH YES KILL - I know you love me - but where the hell have you been!!! Are you acting up at work? Has it been good? Sorry I missed you on Fbook yesterday, I was having a wee nap on the lounge w/ Jasper watching The Neverending Story. Whoops.
I know why I'm finding this week really hard - the mighty bleed is due any day now.
I've actually held it together the best pre-period this week in quite some time.
Last night was the first time in what, months?, that I didn't overeat. Now that was a good feeling.
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