I technically have 30 points to play with - basically because I'm so FUCKING huge and also that I'm breastfeeding.
But seriously people, getting to thirty points is actually quite hard for me once I'm back on track with my eating. I eat a lot of whole foods and therefore a lot of zero point foods as well.
Today I'm sitting on around 20 points and I didn't feel ravenous at all. I realise once I'm back in the land of the not morbidly obese and only have 20 points to play with I will feel mighty cheated so I'm just kinda basking in the glow of it all on the huge achievement of three days of not eating myself into oblivion.
For me, that is the biggest bonus of doing something like WW. That feeling of being back in control of my eating is just such a weight (<--hahahahaha geddit) off my mind. The fact I did WW five years ago means many of the good habits are just falling back into place, which is kind of nice as well.
But today I couldn't get this memory out of my head. When I was in Year 10 I went to WW because I was a whole 8 kilos outside the weight range for my height. It might well have been the thirty such was the guilt and grief and maternal horror about it.
Anyway, there was this even younger girl there with her hideous over bearing mother who, infront of the whole room, said there was no way her daughter could possibly eat this much and lose weight. That incident often comes back into my head and I wonder where that girl is now and if she still fights with food.
There is so much I could say about the impact my family had on me, my self esteem and my relationship with food. But I'm a big girl now and the years of therapy have largely worked through all of that, so this is now a journey of choices and living with the ones I make or have made.
