Day 1, Week 1

So here I am. I'm six kilos down but am stuck. I keep self-sabotaging, making excuses and just plain ignoring my goal.

I'm currently 94kgs or thereabouts (if it's above that I'm going to get too depressed and quit so I'm not looking until this time next week) and my goal is 70.

My secret goal is 65 but I know me at 72kgs and I'm pretty thin and looking good, so my realistic goal is 70.

I have 24kgs to go.

That is so much better than the 30 I had to lose 3 months ago.

My shrink and I have a goal that I lose 4kgs between each monthly visit. The end of last week (I see him on a Wednesday) was dreadful - pre-menstrual to the hilt and ate carbs for Australia. With lashings of butter.

So today, Monday, is the start of a new week and refocused goals.

It may be tedious but this is also going to be my online food diary - the notion of it being public will hold me more accountable.

Today:
icing - not the best start. (It's Jasper's 10th birthday)
2 cups of tea
2 hard boiled eggs, 1 tsp butter, salt and pepper
1/2 avocado
small bowl of butter chicken, rice and raita (Jasper's birthday dinner)
Piece of lemon sauce cake

A good day.

Term 1

So, we all went a bit quiet on the Weightloss Front there didn't we!
We had a bit of an agreement that school holidays were in the too hard basket and that once school went back the focus and determination would kick in.

So here we are. Last week - the first week of term - featured, for me, two days of pure adrenalin and not much food and then a day of walking too and from the boys school in significant hot weather. It's flat all the way and there's a bit of stop-starting due to children and the crossing of roads, but surely all that sweating and chaffing must count for something?

Current weight is 89.7kgs.

I have a goal - next February my very lovely and very stylish friends are getting married in a very gigi location. I have a dress hanging in my wardrobe that would be lovely but I want to be able to buy a new frock and rock it.

So... ONWARD.

Goals

I haven't written this post down because it means I have to tell you all what I weigh.
And I know for a fact that some of you who read this weigh almost half of what I weigh and well, that just makes me feel really embarrassed and repulsive.
But I think it's important for me in being accountable for what I'm eating, for taking care of this body, for losing the excess weight and gaining the lifestyle and good health I want.

Today I weigh 93.3kgs
When I started I weighed 97.6kgs
I am 1.67m tall
My goal weight range is 71-56kgs.
I dream of weighing 60kgs. (I weighed 61kgs in 1984 when I was 13 and in 6th grade. I was probably just a few cms shy of how tall I am now. I know I weighed that as it was a public weigh-in during PE at school and there was an audible gasp from the other girls in my class.)
My dream goal weight is 65kgs.
My realistic goal weight is 68kgs.

My first goal is to lose 5kgs by next Thursday, 15 November.

I want to be under 90kgs by Christmas.
That is a loss of at least 3.3kgs in 6 weeks.

Then my 10% goal - 87.8
Then to be under 85kg by 4 February (when I return to work from maternity leave)

Then my next 10% goal - 79kg
Then under 75kg
Then my next 10% goal - 71kg
Then to be under 70kg
Then goal.

I think my goals for weight loss by return to work are ambitious (particularly considering my birthday, Christmas, New Years and Australia Day are in there) and I'm not convinced I have the willpower to do it. But then I beat myself up that if I really wanted it I would work hard for it.

But I also know me.
I know that I love food and I love to bake and I love to eat.
And that weight loss for weight loss's sake is not worth it.
Because it all just comes back tenfold.
I need to do this in a way that is sustainable.
I like chocolate. I adore cake. I love a drink. An antipasto plate is a beautiful thing.
I am not going to be the person who nibbles on a carrot stick all the while wanting to bury her head in the blue cheese.

This is going to take some time.